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serene_quillTitle: The Proper Procedure for Alien Encounters
Fandom: Crossover of Doom! Eureka/Heroes/CSI/Criminal Minds/Pushing Daisies/Firefly/Buffy/Stargate SG-1/SG Atlantis/Doctor Who/Torchwood/West Wing
Pairings: Jack/Nathan, McKay/Sheppard, Carter/O’Neil, Capt. Jack/Ianto, Doctor (Ten)/Rose, one sided Jo/Fargo, mention Jo/Zane, implied past Nathan/Doctor, implied Ten/Rose/Fargo
Rating: PG, PG-13ish for suggestiveness? Is there a rating for “Hazardous to your IQ”?
Word Count: 1200 (These are supposed to be double/triple drabbles, I know, but I had to fit in 12 fandoms! So, a drabble per fandom!)
A/Ns: Total and complete crack, blamed entirely on Kris. =P For Kris, your Valentine Challenge Request-- Happy Valentine’s, you ginormus pain in the ass! Some shows mentioned in passing only, because I’m just not that cracked! But apparently, you cracked me hard enough to get me to write Carter/O’Neil, my least favorite pairing! Also, I watch too many shows with men named Jack as a main character!
Summary: When Eureka’s favorite assistant catches an alien, all hell breaks loose! And Jack is late for his valentine’s date.
Jack crossed his arms, looking skeptically at the man hanging upside down in Fargo’s trap. “I really hate this town,” the British man grumbled, looking pleadingly at the sheriff. “Can’t you make him let me down?”
“Okay, I admit it doesn’t seem likely that you’re an alien, but he’s got a point,” Jack Carter was forced to admit, sighing. “His scan says you’ve got two hearts.”
“Brilliant!” the blonde woman with the alien exclaimed. Fargo eyed her, his current fat lip making him wary. “You couldn’t just take me somewhere normal for Valentine’s, you take me to the place with all the smart gizmos that tell them exactly who you are, Doctor!”
Jack opened his mouth to respond, but the crunch of approaching tires halted him. He groaned, spotting the vacationing military officers and scientists who were staying in Eureka that week. “Major Carter, Dr, McKay, General, Sheppard, I’ve got this.”
“Oh, I don’t think so,” General O’Neil drawled, inspecting the trap. “Huh.”
“Seems awfully simple to have caught a goa’uld,” Sheppard observed, slouching against the car.
“Seems awfully stupid for it to interrupt our first Valentine’s date in three years!” McKay grumbled, and Sheppard’s casual act vanished, his flapping a hand in the General’s direction.
“Rodney!” he hissed, and O’Neil rolled his eyes.
“Please, like the entire SGC doesn’t know about the two of you,” Sam Carter interjected.
“And hullo, I take offence!” the man dangling from the tree objected. “I most certainly am not a goa’uld!”
“He’s got two hearts,” Jack offered helpfully, and McKay scowled.
“No snake in his head?” he asked, and when Fargo shook his head, he huffed impatiently. “Fine, now can we go back to the Firefly marathon?”
“You got this?” Sheppard asked, but before Jack or O’Neil could wave him off, a black SUV pulled up, six people climbing out.
“Oh hell, bloody Torchwood,” the blond cursed, just loud enough for Jack to hear.
“Got yourself a problem there, Doc?” The leader of the group swept up to the man, grinning, then turned, looking the sheriff up and down. “Hello there, Captain Jack Harkness.”
“Stop it,” the hanging man warned him.
“Sheriff Jack Carter,” Jack replied, offering the Captain a hand. “Glad you made it.”
“You called him?” the blond protested, and the newcomer turned, surprised.
“Rose, you know you missed me!” he greeted her. She gave him a wary look, before finally grinning and running up to hug him. “Ah, Rose, meet my team. Gwen, Owen, Tosh, and our newest member, Sara, formerly of the Las Vegas CSI. And this,” Capt. Jack pulled a young man in a suit forward. “Is Ianto.” Jack noticed Ianto looked awkward, like a kid being introduced to his lover’s parents.
“Oh, yes, the one you’re shagging,” the Doctor mused, pretending to look interested. “For crying out loud, can someone please get me down?”
“I’ve put in a call to president Bartlett,” General O’Neil closed his cell phone, nodding to Capt. Jack. “This is Torchwood jurisdiction. But hey, thanks for getting my wife free of GD for the evening, Sheriff,” he added, nodding to Jack. Sam Carter glared at him, but took the hand he offered as they strolled back toward the car.
“Okay, so can we go?” McKay protested, tugging on Sheppard’s arm. “You and Capt. Harkness together is more gay slinking in one spot than I can handle right now.”
“He’s got a point,” the Doctor observed, quite cheerful. “So, any news on that getting me down thing?”
“Why don’t you just get yourself down?” Gwen asked. “You’re supposedly the alien with all the advanced toys, Doctor.”
“He took my sonic screwdriver!” the doctor pointed at Fargo, who grinned sheepishly.
“I just thought it’d make a good Valentine’s gift for Jo!” he protested as Carter held out a hand, demanding. “She didn’t like the Buffy DVD’s I got her for Christmas! This had to be better!”
“Yeah, but then I’d have to lock you up for stealing, and you really wouldn’t have a shot at winning her from Zane,” Jack pointed out, taking the sonic screwdriver and examining it. “Huh, you know, I’m actually late for a Valentine’s dinner too…”
“No!” Fargo protested, waving a hand. “You can’t give it to Dr. Stark!”
“Oh, god no,” the Doctor groaned, hands covering his eyes. “Nathan Stark? He still pissed about the whole handcuff thing…?”
“Wait, he’s that Doctor?” Jack commented, grinning. “The one that left Nathan for…”
“Oh yeah,” Fargo interrupted nervously. “If he finds out you’re here…”
As though on cue, the BMW pulled in, Nathan stepping out with an amused smirk on his face. “Hello, Doctor. I thought I told you that if you came back to Eureka I’d have you dissected.”
“Yeah, but I was sure you’d have blown yourself up by now,” the Doctor replied. “Still like your men strong and sarcastic, I see.” Nathan ignored the taunt, closing the distance between himself and Jack.
“Hello, lover, you’re late for our date,” Nathan said cheerfully, kissing Jack enthusiastically for the enjoyment of hearing Fargo squeak and scramble to turn away. “That never gets old,” he grinned, tilting his head to inspect the trap holding the Doctor. “Seriously, Fargo caught you?”
“I know, I’m humiliated,” the Doctor groaned, giving Nathan a pleading look. “Please, Nathan, it’s Valentine’s.”
“You’re the alien,” Jack pointed out, amused. “Can’t you just mind wipe us and force us to do what you want?”
“No more Heroes for you,” Nathan told Jack, rolling his eyes. He looked over to the Torchwood group. “You want him?” he asked, and Capt. Jack shook his head.
“Personally I think we should call our friend Spencer with the Behavioral Analysis Unit out of Quantico to examine him…” Capt. Jack trailed off, seeing the impatience on Rose’s face. “Nah, we’ve got a pie maker down the coast who can supposedly raise the dead that we’re more interested in,” he announced, grinning at the Doctor. “And unlike you, I know how to keep my date interested. Pie maker has a stopwatch.” He winked at Jack as he said it.
Jack wasn’t sure he got the joke, but given the mischievous glint the comment put in Nathan’s eye, he had a feeling he would enjoy it. “Okay, get him down, Fargo,” Jack ordered, shaking his head. “Need a better bloody manual for the proper procedure for handling aliens,” he added dryly.
“Oh, there is one,” Nathan replied teasingly, lacing his fingers through Jack’s. “There’s a really important section on never giving them handcuffs.”
“Yeah?” Jack asked, raising an eyebrow. “Can I read it?”
“It’s classified,” Nathan informed him with a grin. He glanced at his watch. “And you’re now 30 minutes late for our date,” he added.
“Have a good night!” the Doctor called after them, before he came crashing to the ground as Fargo loosened the trap. “Ooh, that smarts!” he groaned, accepting the hand Rose offered him.
“Come on, Doctor, let’s hop to Paris for Valentine’s,” she suggested, and the Doctor held up a finger, looking at Fargo for a long moment, considering. He turned back to Rose, who shrugged, then nodded.
“Want to go for a ride, Dr. Fargo?” the Doctor asked mischievously.
Fandom: Crossover of Doom! Eureka/Heroes/CSI/Criminal Minds/Pushing Daisies/Firefly/Buffy/Stargate SG-1/SG Atlantis/Doctor Who/Torchwood/West Wing
Pairings: Jack/Nathan, McKay/Sheppard, Carter/O’Neil, Capt. Jack/Ianto, Doctor (Ten)/Rose, one sided Jo/Fargo, mention Jo/Zane, implied past Nathan/Doctor, implied Ten/Rose/Fargo
Rating: PG, PG-13ish for suggestiveness? Is there a rating for “Hazardous to your IQ”?
Word Count: 1200 (These are supposed to be double/triple drabbles, I know, but I had to fit in 12 fandoms! So, a drabble per fandom!)
A/Ns: Total and complete crack, blamed entirely on Kris. =P For Kris, your Valentine Challenge Request-- Happy Valentine’s, you ginormus pain in the ass! Some shows mentioned in passing only, because I’m just not that cracked! But apparently, you cracked me hard enough to get me to write Carter/O’Neil, my least favorite pairing! Also, I watch too many shows with men named Jack as a main character!
Summary: When Eureka’s favorite assistant catches an alien, all hell breaks loose! And Jack is late for his valentine’s date.
Jack crossed his arms, looking skeptically at the man hanging upside down in Fargo’s trap. “I really hate this town,” the British man grumbled, looking pleadingly at the sheriff. “Can’t you make him let me down?”
“Okay, I admit it doesn’t seem likely that you’re an alien, but he’s got a point,” Jack Carter was forced to admit, sighing. “His scan says you’ve got two hearts.”
“Brilliant!” the blonde woman with the alien exclaimed. Fargo eyed her, his current fat lip making him wary. “You couldn’t just take me somewhere normal for Valentine’s, you take me to the place with all the smart gizmos that tell them exactly who you are, Doctor!”
Jack opened his mouth to respond, but the crunch of approaching tires halted him. He groaned, spotting the vacationing military officers and scientists who were staying in Eureka that week. “Major Carter, Dr, McKay, General, Sheppard, I’ve got this.”
“Oh, I don’t think so,” General O’Neil drawled, inspecting the trap. “Huh.”
“Seems awfully simple to have caught a goa’uld,” Sheppard observed, slouching against the car.
“Seems awfully stupid for it to interrupt our first Valentine’s date in three years!” McKay grumbled, and Sheppard’s casual act vanished, his flapping a hand in the General’s direction.
“Rodney!” he hissed, and O’Neil rolled his eyes.
“Please, like the entire SGC doesn’t know about the two of you,” Sam Carter interjected.
“And hullo, I take offence!” the man dangling from the tree objected. “I most certainly am not a goa’uld!”
“He’s got two hearts,” Jack offered helpfully, and McKay scowled.
“No snake in his head?” he asked, and when Fargo shook his head, he huffed impatiently. “Fine, now can we go back to the Firefly marathon?”
“You got this?” Sheppard asked, but before Jack or O’Neil could wave him off, a black SUV pulled up, six people climbing out.
“Oh hell, bloody Torchwood,” the blond cursed, just loud enough for Jack to hear.
“Got yourself a problem there, Doc?” The leader of the group swept up to the man, grinning, then turned, looking the sheriff up and down. “Hello there, Captain Jack Harkness.”
“Stop it,” the hanging man warned him.
“Sheriff Jack Carter,” Jack replied, offering the Captain a hand. “Glad you made it.”
“You called him?” the blond protested, and the newcomer turned, surprised.
“Rose, you know you missed me!” he greeted her. She gave him a wary look, before finally grinning and running up to hug him. “Ah, Rose, meet my team. Gwen, Owen, Tosh, and our newest member, Sara, formerly of the Las Vegas CSI. And this,” Capt. Jack pulled a young man in a suit forward. “Is Ianto.” Jack noticed Ianto looked awkward, like a kid being introduced to his lover’s parents.
“Oh, yes, the one you’re shagging,” the Doctor mused, pretending to look interested. “For crying out loud, can someone please get me down?”
“I’ve put in a call to president Bartlett,” General O’Neil closed his cell phone, nodding to Capt. Jack. “This is Torchwood jurisdiction. But hey, thanks for getting my wife free of GD for the evening, Sheriff,” he added, nodding to Jack. Sam Carter glared at him, but took the hand he offered as they strolled back toward the car.
“Okay, so can we go?” McKay protested, tugging on Sheppard’s arm. “You and Capt. Harkness together is more gay slinking in one spot than I can handle right now.”
“He’s got a point,” the Doctor observed, quite cheerful. “So, any news on that getting me down thing?”
“Why don’t you just get yourself down?” Gwen asked. “You’re supposedly the alien with all the advanced toys, Doctor.”
“He took my sonic screwdriver!” the doctor pointed at Fargo, who grinned sheepishly.
“I just thought it’d make a good Valentine’s gift for Jo!” he protested as Carter held out a hand, demanding. “She didn’t like the Buffy DVD’s I got her for Christmas! This had to be better!”
“Yeah, but then I’d have to lock you up for stealing, and you really wouldn’t have a shot at winning her from Zane,” Jack pointed out, taking the sonic screwdriver and examining it. “Huh, you know, I’m actually late for a Valentine’s dinner too…”
“No!” Fargo protested, waving a hand. “You can’t give it to Dr. Stark!”
“Oh, god no,” the Doctor groaned, hands covering his eyes. “Nathan Stark? He still pissed about the whole handcuff thing…?”
“Wait, he’s that Doctor?” Jack commented, grinning. “The one that left Nathan for…”
“Oh yeah,” Fargo interrupted nervously. “If he finds out you’re here…”
As though on cue, the BMW pulled in, Nathan stepping out with an amused smirk on his face. “Hello, Doctor. I thought I told you that if you came back to Eureka I’d have you dissected.”
“Yeah, but I was sure you’d have blown yourself up by now,” the Doctor replied. “Still like your men strong and sarcastic, I see.” Nathan ignored the taunt, closing the distance between himself and Jack.
“Hello, lover, you’re late for our date,” Nathan said cheerfully, kissing Jack enthusiastically for the enjoyment of hearing Fargo squeak and scramble to turn away. “That never gets old,” he grinned, tilting his head to inspect the trap holding the Doctor. “Seriously, Fargo caught you?”
“I know, I’m humiliated,” the Doctor groaned, giving Nathan a pleading look. “Please, Nathan, it’s Valentine’s.”
“You’re the alien,” Jack pointed out, amused. “Can’t you just mind wipe us and force us to do what you want?”
“No more Heroes for you,” Nathan told Jack, rolling his eyes. He looked over to the Torchwood group. “You want him?” he asked, and Capt. Jack shook his head.
“Personally I think we should call our friend Spencer with the Behavioral Analysis Unit out of Quantico to examine him…” Capt. Jack trailed off, seeing the impatience on Rose’s face. “Nah, we’ve got a pie maker down the coast who can supposedly raise the dead that we’re more interested in,” he announced, grinning at the Doctor. “And unlike you, I know how to keep my date interested. Pie maker has a stopwatch.” He winked at Jack as he said it.
Jack wasn’t sure he got the joke, but given the mischievous glint the comment put in Nathan’s eye, he had a feeling he would enjoy it. “Okay, get him down, Fargo,” Jack ordered, shaking his head. “Need a better bloody manual for the proper procedure for handling aliens,” he added dryly.
“Oh, there is one,” Nathan replied teasingly, lacing his fingers through Jack’s. “There’s a really important section on never giving them handcuffs.”
“Yeah?” Jack asked, raising an eyebrow. “Can I read it?”
“It’s classified,” Nathan informed him with a grin. He glanced at his watch. “And you’re now 30 minutes late for our date,” he added.
“Have a good night!” the Doctor called after them, before he came crashing to the ground as Fargo loosened the trap. “Ooh, that smarts!” he groaned, accepting the hand Rose offered him.
“Come on, Doctor, let’s hop to Paris for Valentine’s,” she suggested, and the Doctor held up a finger, looking at Fargo for a long moment, considering. He turned back to Rose, who shrugged, then nodded.
“Want to go for a ride, Dr. Fargo?” the Doctor asked mischievously.
